Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
