She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
