I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
