dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
