Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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