the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize