The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
