You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
