yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
