every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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