this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
