it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
