i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
