I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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