So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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