I wish I could punch you in the face.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
