somebody snuck up and got me drunk
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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