so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
