And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hippo gnu deer
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
