I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
