Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize