Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
