Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize