Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
