This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
whose parrot is this?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
we're so committed to being not committed
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
