We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
