drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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