I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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