Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
