After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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