I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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