I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
