I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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