smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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