More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
