The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
that is very illegal...i love you.
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