NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
