Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
