I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
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