On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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