as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
