Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Actions speak louder than pants.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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