He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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