I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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