i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
