I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
