He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
