So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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