you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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