Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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