Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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