I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize