So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
