bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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