Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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