new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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