i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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