cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
sarcasm needs its own font
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
