im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
this just has baby written all over it
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
