the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
