how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
