So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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