dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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