I can tuck mytits in my pants
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
