hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
