hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
