so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
