my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
