I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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