Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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