Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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