I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
