dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
